Global Posts

ok so i guess from the title its pretty obvious what this post is going to be about!

its coz of a mixture of things really, the weight gain, todays bingeness. and the main thing : greg says he wants to die. which isnt good AT ALL. he really doesnt believe me when i tell him how i feel.

im the worst princess ever.

word of advice. if u bleed a lot, dont cut ur wrists! not even deep but it still hasnt stopped after nearly an hour. oops.

lovelove xxx

ok so after yesterday ive gained! this is fucking ridiculous. 5lbs in 1 day? id have had to eat 17500 cals and not have burnt any to have gained that much!

i know its my period soon, so some of it will be that, and also yesterday i ate SO much wheat which always makes me bloat so some of it will be that too. my metabolism must be really fucked.

today im eating mainly fruits and veg with lots and lots of fluid. maybe 2 egg whites or something idk. or a weight watchers yoghurt!

im going to have a maximum of 250 cals every day, not including raw carrot cals and celery cals.

i HAVE to be 90lbs or less before i go home on the 12th december. thats in 20 days time. if i go from my pre-gain weight thats only 8lbs in 20 days thats easy. from my gainy bloat weight its 13lbs in 20 days. so im really hoping this new weight is mostly period/wheat bloating and food weight,

on a plus side, i really made my hair SO soft and shiny yay. i mixed a few shampoos and conditioners all together and its worked and yay i have shiny PRINCESS hair.

lovelove xxx

i met with Kim today. kim is my study advisor at uni. she’s amazing, she’s so kind and supportive and lovely. she said that i am very creative and good at communicating and that i should write children’s books because i’d be amazing at them.

which was nice of her; its really nice for once to be told im good at something instead of that im rubbish.

got my dr appt at 2.50 today and im a bit nervous. i really want adderall. its a treatment for adhd and obesity which means itl make me thinner while helping my work. which would be amazing. i have to keep quiet about my mental state because if i say im bipolar or have had psychotic episodes theyr very likely to refuse me adderall as it can enhance those things, or so ive heard.

its 2.15 and ive had a small apple, a carrot, and some soup [30] as well as [150] from doritos. and although i had gained yesterday im back to my normal weight now. fluctuations are so damned annoying!

anyway il check in again after the dr appt and let u know how it went.

lovelove xxx

so just thought id let you all know my weight and size goals. weight in lbs and size in inches!

current stats

height 5′2

weight 98lbs

bust 30.5

waist 23.5

hips 32.5

thighs 17.5

goal stats

weight 69lbs

bust 30

waist 21

hips 30

thighs 15

bones i most want to see

ribcage [front and back]

chest bones [ladder]

elbows

collarbones

shoulder [back]

cheekbones

i know it seems crazy, but i need to do this. only one person really knows why. he’s amazing <3

lovelove xxx

so THAT ^^^ picture is my all time inspiration. she is my height and body type which means that is achievable. im 8-10lbs above what she was at that picture, so it really shouldn’t take long if i buckle down.

i am going to rotate my cals, but make sure I have less than 500 everyday from now on. 500 will count as binging. i am going to try my best to have less than 300 a day but 500 is the ultimate maximum!

today is my 37 month anniversary with my boyfriend. i hope we dont have to eat too much :/

lovelove xxx